As much as I love both of my parents, I don't like many things about them. They love me, but they're certainly not perfect human beings. Are your parents like mine?
My father is a womanizer, drinker, smoker and big spender. He left my mother under the cloak of looking for a better job faraway. As circumstances and past karma would have it, he married another woman and never returned to my mother as promised. I had two half siblings and a strained relationship with my father, as a result.
Did he lie and break his promise that he'd come back to my mother? Is it wrong? A retiree, he lives on a pension and gambles. When I was visiting him, he asked me to pay for all of his expenses during a trip. I myself live on an even smaller retiree income with two children to support. Putting the whole story in perspective, I see that there are many characters that play in this drama. No one is blameless. But no one is entirely guilty, either. Human beings are so complex. To say that someone is a bad person 100% or a pure angel, it's not realistic. For a long stretch of time, we act and are angelic despite the past action of hell raising by any name. We also reverse from being the most difficult person on earth to the nicest person with a big heart and gentle touch. We each even have both admirable personality and quirkiest manners -- all in one person.
Likewise, my mother is less of a role model to look up to. She uses tricks to get her ways. You can say that she's manipulative. She lies, too. Materialistic is her middle name. On the flip side of the same coin, she's considered hard working and ambitious. Another adjective to describe her is narrow minded. My ex-husband was literally kicked out of my life because she's racist who saw that someone with his humble background and the ethnic root was no match for her daughter. It was too late for me to get him back in my life and apologize to him on her behalf.
What did I learn from all of these? I always tell my kids that I'm not perfect and make mistakes, but my love to them is unconditional. No, I don't tell them about my shameful history which I have a library full of it. They in fact learn about what lessons come out of my wrongful actions and missteps. One time I turned on the wrong stove burner and burned the stove cover. So I told them about it and asked them to be mindful about which stove to light up so they wouldn't end up burning down the house. Another example was when I carelessly piled up heavy baking sheets, one of which slipped down from the stack and landed on my hand. Luckily, the casualty was one of my fingers that suffered a deep concussion. I lost the finger nail. (But do you know that nails really grow and replace dead nails? That's what happens to me; I have a new nail.) They know not to be so sloppy and careless.
To illustrate "do what I say, not what I do," means I have to act and speak the same way. To act one way but preach the other way is confusing.
I try to live my life to be a role model to my kids. My anger can unleash the most hateful facial expression and a couple of bad words. Nagging is my way of getting them to do things versus guiding them step-by-step and praising their progress. They observe though that I'm generally friendly and compassionate. The other day we stopped at a traffic light, I handed a small bill to a beggar. My kids were inside the car with me and witnessed what I had just done. The guy was a homeless person who would go to this particular place to gamble. Did I question my decision how my donation would be used? No. I did hope, however, that that very day he'd spend money buying a meal instead of placing a bet for a larger fortune. It's kinda like you can give them good food but cannot make them eat it.
There's no guarantee that the children will turn out the way I want and don't want. All I'm grateful for that they're smart, healthy, and energetic. Being in the moment means I enjoy their childlike and playful presence. Being optimistic about future means that I'm the one who have to shape the moldable clay. So one day they can see that their mother is a role model of humanity and compassion who practices spirituality and universal love.
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